introspection

I've taken these questions from here, so here goes some introspection for 2013's first post!

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I would say in my twenties, though I can't be exactly accurate since I've hypothetically lost my passport / memory / family, my height. weight& general knowledge would be an indicator of my age. I'm supposing that in this scenario, I'm also stranded from my beloveds so I'll be using my own thoughts & memories to guess my age. I'm sticking with early twenties since I've surpassed the education stage &onto the woeful employment age.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying, for definite. The uneasy ignorance is so difficult to shake away, the fearful unknown is enough to drive anyone crazy. Failure sucks, but it is inevitable & can be forgotten / recovered from, so I'll take failure over never trying.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Life is not short, it is the longest thing you'll ever experience! The saying is stupid, but answering the question is simple: limitations stop us from doing all the things we wish to do. Limitations in finance, courage, company, ability & desire stop us from carrying out our dreams.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not, I pray my actions are weightier & my words are kinder.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? The notion that we are better than one another, pride come before the fall, & this is true for civilisations that have been proud in the past, present& I'm assuming, in the future too.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? I abhor cliches, but I am honestly happy with the work I am doing right now, teaching others& being present for my loved ones. I am happy today, & I hope I always will be!
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I believe in what I'm doing, the second my job ceases making me happy, I will quit.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Who says I'll alive till 40? I am doing the very best I can, if I die tomorrow, I know that I did what I could & tried my hardest.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Up until 18, I did what made my parents happy& since then, I've done what makes the most sense to me.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I'm worried about doing things on time rather than doing the right things. I suppose I've changed what the 'right thing' is as I've evolved to prioritise my time. In short, I'm worried about not doing the rights things.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I'll call them out on their bitchiness, I can't trust people who gossip, it's toxic to the trust & care you share with friends. It's unfair on the person & it makes me lost respect for people when they're unnecessarily critical in the presence of strangers. 
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Don't be passive in your own life.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yup.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Maybe the reverse is more common for me.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I do not relish the prospect of new adventures with new company, I am very much lodged in my comfort zone& prefer very little change in that sphere of my life.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I am disguising my enthusiasm with apathy.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? I haven't reached my potential, I am held back by my own lack of ambition.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Maybe, it's difficult to heal completely.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I would love to move to the Middle East& polish my Arabic conversational skills.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, my impatience is such that I'd rather reach the destination breathlessly via the stairs than wait in a cramped box with strangers.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton, always. Knowledge can be a cumbersome burden.
22. Why are you, you? But I am not, I am in a constant flux of change.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? No, I am the worst at friendships. My own selfishness takes precedence in friendships.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Loss of a close friend who moves away [I cheated, hah!]
25. What are you most grateful for? My family.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Lose all my old memories, being sentimental is so last year.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Definitely, the speaker can have a great impact on the credibility of their words.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? No, I pray it never does.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Of course I remember! No, it matters so little& I am grateful for the gift of forgetful fickleness.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? Any story which is recollected at family gatherings is my favourite, it is special because it means I was a loved child whose actions were lovingly preserved in the minds of my elders. [I do love attention!]
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Whenever I am praised, I feel revitalised with confidence!
32. If not now, then when? Tomorrow?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? My dignity.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? No, I need this to happen so I can understand what the massive hype over silent conversation is all about!
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Their followers have misinterpreted the text. People confuse God for Government.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Good & evil is all about how much peace you feel in your heart after committing any action.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Not really, I love what I'm doing.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I actually feel fulfilled doing.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? No.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Honestly, I haven't experience such a feeling.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? I'm happy with where I am right now.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? I think truly living is being utterly pleased with your daily actions & sayings, it is all about being active & making things happen for yourself. Being alive is having a passive, non committal role in your own life.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? After you've finished your education.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? The embarrassment & regret which follows is tremendously awful. Repetition of such emotions is sado-masochism.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Be a little more daring.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Ugh, when I'm reading.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love my family with no restrictions to my generosity, I try to openly express love on a daily routine.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Probably if I rifle through my diaries, yes.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I am making decisions with the best guardians & advisers I could possibly ask for, I could not make them alone.

mysteriously idiotic

Often enough I'll have the most awkwardly cryptic conversations with old acquaintances. The general flow of the messages set across are of nonchalant pleasantries & brief mentions of key moments in the present. Sometimes you'll get one friend who wants to break the mould & text something completely materialist & cryptic. It'll be vague with a hint of rhetorically asking you if you comprehend their message.
Prime example would be to say how incredibly busy they have recently become, a passing reference to an interview & frustrated work life will bring up a myriad of reasons of why they cannot attend a social event. This will then lead on to how they have plans for moving workplaces, I will ask where they intend to move. & then it'll be silence or a faraway answer, "Oh, I've got my eye on something."

Fair enough, you don't want to mention the place on the off chance I'll suddenly want a massive career change & want to apply for you job & steal it.

It's so ridiculous!

Just don't mention anything you don't want to divulge / discuss in depth. Why bring up a topic that you then want to leave hanging in mid-air? Mysterious conversations are tiresome & dull. If you don't want to share something, here's an idea, don't mention it!

defies logic

Who benefits from stereotypes? Why are they ingrained so deeply within our society's frame of normality? Does the reinforcement of the stereotype encourage lazy thinking? How do we change these stereotypes & see people as individuals, and not homogenous beings lumped by one outdated label?

Stereotypes box us in, the binary oppositions carelessly stick labels defining our character & mannerisms by some caricature of uninformed idiocy. When we rely on stereotypes for our daily interactions, we hinder our ability to thinking freely & accept new ideas openly. The deep rooted stereotypes discourage change, exemplify a certain creed & overlook the goodness of each individual.

I remember at university when lecturers would glaze over the hijaabi girl's sitting in the back rows. They'd often comment on how we would be silent & never participant in the discussions held during lectures. Of course, shyness & introvert students, without the headscarf & Islamic attire were exempt from these snarly comments. I tried not to let my clothing / appearance affect my learning, I would speak up & attempt to give myself the very best university experiences I could possibly ever have.

The stereotype of the archetypical Muslim female has long been vilified by the media. Being covered is submission & modesty is almost always equated with some connection to a meek demeanour. If only they were to peek into our very matriarchal homes &realise how little men control our lives. The mother is the queen, her words are the decrees of the house & her anger is the fire we all fear. She is the queen in her clothing, style & discipline, firm yet fair, in the respect given to her, we are promised Paradise in both worlds.

These labels & stereotypes narrow our logical thinking capacities, the box is cramped & begging to be slashed, torn apart & broken out of. Only conversation & communication with people will direct us to a world with leo stereotypes. In an idealistic world we are talking, we are respectfully curious & in awe of the diversity of the world.

no money

Watch this video before reading.


The words really touched me to the core, it forced me too evaluate the materialistic chase I'm spiraling in at work / life. It is a beautiful idea to leave your chase of a promotion & money to pursue your bobbies but realistically  it seems like a farce. If I were to quit my job tomorrow, I have the luxury of knowing that my parents would not forsake me, alhumdulillah, so does this notion of letting go really relate to anyone who is not dependent on their guardians? Is the speaker in the video being too idealistic / naive in thinking that the rat race is a desirable to most? It is a means of living, making it through & only the spirituality of the soul can pull a person out the misery of money.

To think that we can follow our deepest desires, enjoy the beauty of the world &bask in the indulgence of our hobbies seems too easy to talk about. It's a wistful dream of an old man, sure, it's horrid to be working day in, day out at a place where every minute is hellish, but it is possible to walk away unscathed? Can people really live without the looming worry of bills over their heads? Travel costs money, pursuit of happiness is only attainable when you have tasted the deepest sorrow &been tested with pain. How can you appreciate the contentment of the heart when you've not experience struggle?

I am all for living life with attainable goals & optimistic ideals, but reality should be considered. Evaluating your career, accepting that your talents need to be honed to achieve expert level, and yes, often by tribulations, this is the only way we can live happily & realistically. I agree that once we eliminate money, we can have a greater scope of what we aspire to do with the years ahead, but the net needs to be cast wisely. Recognise your talents & ability, caution & reason should be exercised, for we are only blessed with one life. It is our only chance to leave a legacy for the generations to come. No explorer explored the universe without an agenda in mind, it's simple to say 'I'm doing it for myself' when money is in abundance &there is no worry flitting in your heart. Do things selflessly & selfishly, not everything you do for others only benefit them, we can impact the world by improving on our own character & actions.

hope[less]

 dystopian novels, written for young adults with young adults rescuing humanity from inevitable destruction is such a fantastical notion. Anyone who has the privilege of being surrounded by young people can immediately tell you that today's generation has a long journey towards salvation. In realistic terms, if you're aged between 14-17 years, there's a high chance of probably caught up in some trivial drama involving a smartphone, various networks of online socialising & a clique of friends. So saving humans from their own destruction by an individual who cannot save themselves from their own drama-fueled life is a frightening concept.

So many young adults lack the drive, motivation & thrill to learn. Exploring new avenues is cumbersome, education is a nuisance, set by boring* adults who are hell bent of ruining their lives. Maybe it's the jaded persona within, but I can't fathom how adulthood will be welcomed by these rowdy students of mine.

* [their ultimate favourite word]

fast & frivolous

The car was the ultimate beast of all cars, a 4x4 with tinted glass windows & a roaring engine. If cars were animals, this was the black panther of the jungle, it was that magnificent. The thrill seekers' ride, perfect for breezing through winding roads & badly lit streets, obviously it was my favourite for our trip abroad.Fee came downstairs asking if anyone wanted milkshake, he had trundled down in his pyjamas & a disgruntled look, but that didn't stop any one from leaping up & jumping at the prospect of riding in the Beast at 2am. The illicit sneaking out with our folks sleeping just upstairs, small wonders & pleasures for the best fun!Fee changed his mind so abruptly that we felt cheated to be brought to the brim of excitement & then shot down. We just raced to the front room & asked Taf to drive us round, he seemed absorbed on his laptop but obliged to our proposal. The Beast was a borrowed car from a gracious friend, so my sister kept asking if he was confident about driving such a large car, male testosterone forced him to reply the affirmative. With our excitement brewing over such a small adventure, we all rushed to the car.I love the crazy jumble of talk that accompanies the stupidity we plan. They bond us completely & keep us close. It doesn't help that we're all massive thrill seekers. The adrenaline of racing across country roads, skirting with traffic control & dodging the cameras is a treat when you've got the Beast in your possession.By the early minutes of 3am, we found ourselves in front of blue lights & the fluorescent jackets of doom. Our fun was cut short, but the jokes only escalated. The obvious fear quickly subsided & we added another secret to our list of mental antics.Another bonding moment, another inside joke & another reason to treasure family.I live for these moments.
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