self portrait

kohl rimmed eyes widen
blotched skin reddens,
embarrassment creeps in
humiliation follows silently behind,
co-ordination falls unbalanced
voice struggles to stay steady,
the tongue is bitten
and an inward scold at my stupidity:
Another mishap, another awkward moment
defines me.

chandelier

Lush,eh?

My dad took us to this ultra-posh restaurant today, I absolutely adored the room we ate in: the chandelier was one of the best features of the whole room.

text just in

Every now and then, I get one of those texts which are forwarded for the sake of sweetness/politeness/gaining reward, you know the sort!

I just got this text RIGHT now:

A woman's heart should be so lost in Allah that a man needs to seek him in order to find her...Subhanallah...xxx

I really like the idea behind that- such a relationship is made complete with the Creator's blessing.

I know this is going off on a tangent but on my blog, I can -I always try not to think of marriage too much.Dreams and fantasies break hearts since they raise the expectation bar too high, of course, everyone has a right to do so but personally, I like to stay realistic and be open-minded for whatever life throws infront of me.

I've never truly understood broken hearted emotions or the sense of longing so deep that functioning becomes a task so difficult- but then again I've never felt the emotions on the other end of the spectrum: the love so intense that I can't breathe without knowing their every thought and move.

I'm cynical when it comes to love, I'm skeptical towards romance.

The reason is simple- I've seen too many girls crying over boyfriends who've moved on, or just gotten bored of the same circles. I've received texts expressing the dilemma over being asked out by old boyfriends, harbouring malice only a month ago has given a soliloquy of undying love and missing their 'loved' one.

Love is fickle, and will remain so until both parties are at peace with themselves spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

A restless soul cannot retain love if they're in conflict with their own mind.

I may be wrong, others may have found love in their own way-this is my thoughts on the matter. I may even change my mind, or even contradict myself, but this is how I feel right NOW.
When you feel strongly about anything,be it politics,a philosophy, religion- being the most important one- I think it's easier to understand your love for another in a more clear manner.You already are experienced and aware of your emotions so this makes loving another freely easier.

my weekend

my weekend=outing with the girls+new restaurant+rain+brother visiting+texts from bestie+awkward fone conversations+late night laughter+an extra hour+late morning+watching Shrek3 with an old friend+chocolate sprinkled ice cream+maltesers+evening walk+nonchalance at NO uni-related work

extreme happiness

This is from Post Secret, which is a website I can spend hours on end.

It's a site/movement which invites people to submit their secrets in.
Anonymous and non-judgemental.

Ofcourse, it doesn't matter if people do judge since they have no idea who submitted the secret.

I love browsing through them- this one, really hit home.

tired but happy

I have so many things going on right now.
Uni.Work.Mentoring training.Home life.Social drama.
But I'm enjoying being busy, that way I don't time to stop and think about things that really seem to be niggling in my mind.
Blogging helps me a lot, it allows me to make a coherent line of thought and typing them out makes me feel better that I have something valuable to say.

I have tons of ideas on what to blog, loads of poetry which is already written but needs typing.
Just bear with me.

i like you

Ages ago, I received this email from my closest friend, it was one of those forwards where you scroll through a wade of forwarded addresses and wonder what will you be enlightened with at the end: It was a link to another page, I'm pretty wary of these forwards so I hesitated before clicking on it.
The reason being, that once I received a forwarded email with a link and it turned out to be prank where you go through endless dialog boxes.They're annoying as you can't exit the web page, thus putting me off such forwarded ridiculousness for life!
But the sender of this email was a friend who knew I hated this kinda stuff and her emails to me were always personal and pretty meaningful to our friendship so I clicked it.

The link is here.
[Click the red button at the top]

Once you've gotten over the initial cuteness, I wanted to just mention how we rarely say: 'I like you' to people who mean a great deal to us in our lives.
I really think we lack that as a society, maybe it's not that much of an important issue, but we SHOULD show our appreciation to others and tell them that they hold a large position in our lives.
So, I want to say: I LIKE YOU to those who regularly comment on my blog, your words and feedback means a lot.Though the only conversation we seem to have is via our blog posts and the comments made: I feel like there's a friendship underneath which holds us all together.

Ohhh, and I especially like my 3 followers!
I know 'followers' sounds like I'm the head of a cult or something, but I like to think of you as my buddies who bother to care what I write!So thank you.
:)

EDIT*
There's a hadith Sketched Soul has brought to my attention, I thought I'd put it in my post:
Abu Karimah Al-Miqdad bin Ma`dikarib (radiAllahu anhu) reported: The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa-salaam) said, "When a man loves his brother (for Allah sake) let him tell him that he loves him". [At-Tirmidhi]
Jazakallah for that!

facebook status kills

Omygoshh.
I just signed in on msn and when the 'Windows Live Today' comes up, I tend to just shut the window but I just saw this.

Crazyyyy.
:/

So boys and girls, we have learnt a valuable lesson today:
If you have a spouse who's deranged and violent, don't have him on your facebook.If you do, put him on your limited profile and be sure to change your privacy settings so he can't see your relationship status or anything of the sort.

morning shock

I woke up to the news that my closest friend's grandfather has passed away.

Innalillahi wa innailayhi rajioon.

That in itself is such sadness, but what intensifies my shock was that today is also the day of her eldest sister's mendhi.

We went shopping yesterday, and she told me that everyone just going ahead with the wedding this weekend as her grandfather's health was improving.

Subhanallah.

Life is not ours. Every moment is a gift from Allah, and every memory is a blessing for we were able to experience such a time in our lives.

Please make duaa for my friend's grandfather and for her family, that may they have patience in this troubling time.

Ameen.

effects

This is what I do when I'm bored and can't sleep at night.

[SEPIA]

[NEGATIVE]

[BLACK&WHITE]

fairy talk

I teach in the evenings to a class of 5-8 year olds so I have my fair share of funny conversations and strange questions.
I thought I'd recall one I had just recently:

M: apa, me and my cousin saw a fairy in our back garden.
hfm: seriously?
M: yea, and it was so pretty. She had a long, blue dress and glittery hair.
hfm: are you sure it was a fairy?
M: yes, she gave us ten wishes. I asked for a banana and my cousin asked for one too. Now we have *holds up eight fingers* eight wishes left.
hfm: you do know fairies aren't real?
M: they are!!! fairy, fairy, fairy, fairy *she continues chanting this until I throw her a stern look*
hfm: they're not real
M: I saw one on television.
hfm: everything on television isn't real
M: it is, I saw it!
hfm: well it's not *getting frustrated by this conversation now*
M: well, muslims believe in Allah so we believe in everything
hfm: WHATT??!!! No!
M:yeaa *getting worried at my reaction*
hfm: *softening my tone* they're not real, it's just in your imagination
M: *thinks about it* yeaaa...my sister told me and she's always daydreaming
hfm: mmm
M: and she daydreams everywhere! *opens her palms and spreads her arms to indicate that*
hfm: exactly, it's just an imaginary thing
M: yea, but her hair was glittery and so pretty
hfm: it's not real though
M:I know that. *smiles at me* I was only joking
hfm:*amazed, unbelievable look* ohh yeah.

Kids eh?

chapattis

..are an art in their own right.

I've been out of practise for over a month now. Since the kitchen hasn't been my forte in Ramadhan and then straight after, I've had Uni and work to attend to: my mum's been lenient with the housework. But today, mum said I should try and make chapattis so I don't forget how to make them.

Well, too late. I already have.

When mum makes them, the dough is just right. The rolling pin is subservient. The shape of the chapattis are identical to one make before it and the one which proceeds is obedient and exact.

When I attempt at chapattis, the dough is too soft. So soft that I can't even roll it out without getting it stuck on my fingers. The rolling pin refuses to to make the round 'swerving' motions which enable the chapattis to make a round shape. The chapattis are rebellious and mutinous to my endevours of making them perfect in shape, size and consistency.

*sigh*

overwhelmed

Have you ever experienced being so bombarded with emotions you just want to scream?

Have you ever been spoken to by so many people at one time, and notice that your own voice is going unheard?

Have you ever realised how alone you are even though there's people surrounding you?

Have you ever tried to speak against something only to find you're being silenced by everyone?

Have you ever laughed and felt the uneasiness fill your stomach from uncomfort?

Have you tried crying only to find you have tears no more?

Have you?

...

So have I.

pleasure's all mine

Okies,so I've had this idea of starting the 'generic' tagging blog posts.

I know it may seem like these are constantly flying around blogosphere but I think it's a brilliant way to get to know the person behind the words better, they're interesting and also give exposure to blogs which not many people have noticed yet.
I don't want it long-winded with a million and one items listed as I'm one for short& sweet posts.

I always think of blogs as a peek into someone's diary, a little insight to their soul and a taste of their world. So it's enlightening to know what brings a smile to their face and what things they enjoy.
My list is kinda short because these are the things that truly make me feel happy inside.


1) post


I don't know if I'm the only one who feels like this: I seriously doubt it, but I love receiving post. I tell all my friends that if they want me to feel happy and put a smile on my face, then that's the way! I love modern means of communication but post is the best!







2) cappaccino


Okies, so I confess.I'm a HUGE cappaccino addict. I remember when I was 15, my room mate introduced me to cappaccino, and since I hadn't had any I used to scrounge off her.Bless her, she was so sweet, she put her coffee cravings to the side
and would let me indulge in her cappaccino sachets. The annoying thing is that it's so damn expensive! I only buy cappaccino at Uni now [which is like everyday! *blushes* ]






3) Gossip Girl

I don't watch any TV, well, hardly any, would be precise. I only watch GG at the moment. Even that, I don't watch it as soon as it airs.I have to search for it online since it airs in the UK a week or two after it's aired in the US. I really love this show, it's so glamourous and unrealistic<<>

That's my 'pleasure'.

What's yours??

I ask-

• snowdrops,
• [[[x SMILEY x]]],
• mera naam chun chun ka,
• exquisite
  

:)

:gasp:

Hold my breath,

Bite my tongue,

Pray for strength,

Soon it'll be gone,

Unshed tears sting,

A gasp is hidden,

Shivering slowly to bring:

An awakening of the bedridden.

makes you say:awwww

So as I was walking down my street back from uni, I heard a little child say to his male guardian [dunno if it was his dad/uncle] : 'I love you' , that enough melted my heart and made me squeal:'awwww' inside.

Then his dad/uncle replied singing : 'I love you, you love me, together we're one happy family, with a knick knack, paddy whack, this old man goes rolling home.'

I just smiled and smiled all the way home.
I told my dad and sister and they both smiled so thought I'd share the story on here.
:)

curse of materialism

I've had such a tiring yet joyful day!
I had a shopping expedition with my cousin sister, funnily enough we were both NOT in the mood for shopping.We flitted around stores and browsed lazily without the usual fervent we both seemed to have inherited from our mutual relatives, or maybe it's just the tow of us who have been branded the 'shopoholics' of the family.
Today was different, we just did not feel like shopping and buying useless little items which neither of us would dredge out, at a later date, from the bottom of our wardrobes. Maybe we've been cured from out curse of materialistic desires or maybe today was not our day!
I would be lying if I said I had returned home empty handed, I bought this gorgeous clutch bag with a diamante design. Even my eyes couldn't resist it at the price it was being sold at, and I consoled myself that I need it for the upcoming weddings and family events we seem to be having so regularly.

Shopping is a curse for poor students like me,the money I earn is no where near enough for shopping splurges and meals' out at a regular basis. I've tried to make myself hold firm to the ideology that if I refrain from shopping or going anywhere near anyplace where items are sold. I have a very small threshold so today was a huge test for me.
I don't know if I've succeeded in upholding my ideology, but I sure am trying!

clutch me ;)

I seemed to have my eyes pealed for these now.
Latest obsession, methinks.

don't you just hate it when..

-you run to pick up the phone and it just stops ringing then
-you wait ages for someone and they ring an hour later saying they're not coming anymore
-you run out of milk/cereal and you're late for Uni
-you're late for a lecture and everyone's staring at you
-people let you down
-the bus takes ages to arrive
-you have to pay for a meal and it's supposed to be a 'treat'
-people use the wrong grammar
I don't want it no more
[Aaarghhhh!]
-misspelling of they're/there/their
-that one person lifts their hand to ask a question when there's one minute for the lesson to be over
-the battery of your mobile dies during an awesome conversation
-realising that you have no/less money for something you really want
-not knowing what everyone's talking about
-it's so windy that tears stream down your face and ruin your eye make-up
-it rains and you have no umbrella and decided to wear one of those scarves that shrivel in the rain
-you wave and it wasn't intended for you
-someone asks you to do a favour, when really it's a command
-people are so condescending
-you go to return an item only to get it put onto your 'credit'
-the item you bought full price yesterday is on sale today
-changes occur with things I'm comfortable with
-technology won't agree with me
-you have to learn a skill which everyone seems to be ace at and I'm rubbish
ahem*driving*ahem
-people complain!!
:P
I have loads more, but this is what I can think of on the top of my head!
>.<

remnants of Eid 08

An abundance of food.

A galore of chocolate.

A wad of pound notes.

A sea of smiles and hugs.

A gathering of loved ones.

I really enjoy Eid festivals and celebrations, no matter which Eid or what year: Eid has always been a day when I've smiled tons and laughed til my side has stitches.

As a rule, we have Eid at my house since my dad's the eldest brother. All my aunts and their families come over with their tiny little kids. Friends of my parents join us in the celebrations and often enough a friend of my sister's or brother's would pop over for a quick chat/meal!

Eid lasts for 3 days in my family, each day is at someone different's house.
Today we're going for an evening meal at a close friend's place of my parents.
I love how Eid has it's lingering sense of happiness. Even today, I feel light hearted at the laughter and joy we enjoyed yesterday.Alhumdulillah. It's a gift from Allah to us, almost as a reward in advance for the month's fasting.

I hope everyone has/had a great Eid!