rainy dreams

I've had this window opened with the blank, white page out in front of me. I keep switching tabs from tumblr to my google reader only to avoid writing a blog post for today. All day, I've been composing sentences so i can write a post when i get some time and now that I'm in the study with the laptop, my brain is frozen and my fingers are refusing to type coherent words onto the page. I think now I've started I won't let myself wander aimlessly online.

I woke up reliving the most vivid dream I've had in a really long time. I usually flit between sequences of occurrences and random images in my dreams, faces and movements just float by and I wake up slightly disorientated on most mornings, but today's dream was mind blowing. the remnants of my dream kept flashing in my thoughts all throughout the day, I really had to get it down someplace where I'd look back and try to make some amateur interpretation of it.

I'm in a huge compound, it looks like a university or massive business corporation site where the buildings are grey and impressive.Grey slabs line the floor and abstract statues are scattered across the grounds, there's so little greenery or not any of it at all, I'm wondering around and I see people on their own routes to places I've not been to. I'm alone, I'm sure of that but I can see/sense people in a white van. Inside it are an assortment of people from my past&present, my best friend and her husband who's driving are sitting at the front. I just know that they're on the road to look for me, in the passenger seats are old room mates from 2004 and little cousins from up North. This strange combination of people does not really bother me and I don't question or frown at why they're even together in the van, no, what really puts me at unease is the caged space behind them. Steel bars separate the passengers and this large space which I instinctively know is for me to be imprisoned in.

I'm walking aimlessly on the grounds of this vast space when it just starts to rain. Torrents of raindrops splash and everyone's running inside for shelter, but not me. I stretch my arms forward and walk around, dazzled and amused by the rain. I let the droplets drench my clothes and with outstretched hands I catch the raindrops. I'm so happy and free, the rain continues to fall and in this dazed state I hear shouts of people calling me. I turn around and it's the passengers from the van running towards me.

Their faces are alarmed and concerned, I feel so unbothered at their shouts that i simply ignore them. They rush quickly towards me and take me to the van. I know that they're going to put me in that space behind the bars but I don't fight them, I just let them lead me and curl inside, the bars slam down and I see their faces fearful behind the steel bars. I'm confused but so tired that i don't even question anything, I just sleep.

In my sleep [in my dream] I dream that I'm reliving the rain, it's splashing and trickling onto my bare skin underneath my clothes. I feel so exhilarated at the feeling that nothing seems to matter anymore, I awake and see everyone's faces expectantly waiting. I tug at the bars as if to will them to be opened, my best friend turns around from the front seat and opens them. She smiles but says nothing, I just look at her and she moves from her seat to be seated next to me. She pulls me closer into an embrace and I fall asleep half leaning, half hugging her. While I'm there next to her, I can almost taste the fear which colours the faces in the van, there's a connection between me and the rain, it's almost as though I'm responsible for this torrential rain.

Somehow I wake from all this, when I got out of bed to wash away the sleepiness from my face I stepped infront of the window and saw that the skies had opened and it was raining.